Tuesday, January 06, 2009 dammit, thanks to the backlash this is the 4th version of this blog in 20 minutes.

Current mood: annoyed well, somebody posted a blog and I felt that it warranted a response, and someone needed to stick up for us men. Haha. So the first part, is stuff that "men need to know", and the second parts are my responses. Haha. Enjoy. MEN NEED TO KNOW... 1.I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. Who doesn't? 2."Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. If a boy really likes you, you look amazing the in your first outfit. By the 5th time you've asked us we're annoyed and we say "fine". 3.Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. If this were true, women would never cheat. 4.I expect you to call me. Insecure are we? Every great relationship is built on trust. 5.I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. No witty comeback. Thank you ladies. 6.Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. A really sweet gesture can also do the trick depending. Duh. 7.No matter how cool we seem about it, if you did something bad, we're pissed off. Why would you lie to us? 8.If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a). ...having a fat day. b). ...not feeling "connected" to you. c). ...blackmailing you to get something I want. Letter C, more specifically, "bitches" haha. 9.My breasts love much licking and sucking. ok. 10.If you ask me out directly, I will say yes If this were true, classic pickup lines like, "did it hurt? What? The fall from heaven because you must be an angel" would have never been invented!! And everybody knows that this just isn't true. 11.I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice. Hopefully not all women are this easily impressed. 12.We're unimpressed by men who don't take the lead. Be a man, dammit! On the other hand if we were to say "we're very unimpressed by women who don't have dinner on the table when we get home. Be a woman, dammit!" how sexist would this be? And, men are also impressed when women take the lead. 13.watch and wash your fingers Duh. 14.I love it when you hold my hand. Really? I didn't know that (sarcasm) 15.We need to hear how you feel about us. Tell us right now. And again in ten minutes. If we wanted to be with uptight, insecure, make-out machines, we'd go back to high school. Confidence is also a turn on for men. 16.I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this. When we find the best thing that has ever happened to us why would we not recognize this? Ladies, if you think your man doesn't recognize this, maybe you're not the best thing that has ever happened to him. 17.Make sure I'm feeling love, if you don't want to lose me. Don't feel sorry for yourselves ladies, leave the guy. Duh. 18.None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa, Really? Only 3 girls could actually claim this, the nicest girl in the world, the prettiest girl in the world, and the best girl in bed in the world. I doubt this list was typed by one of those 3 girls out of the millions of girls out there. But then again everything is relative so idk. This is just retarded and should be deleted from this so called "list" 19.I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. Wtf does this mean? Lol. 20.I should always be greeted with kisses. Except when you're mad. Or when it's that time of the month. Or right out of bed. Or… 21.Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public skanks lol. 22.It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read... It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with Him that you wouldn't want us to see, hear, read. 23.For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat. So do we. 24.I remember EVERY SINGLE THING about our relationship. This is one where men are always stereotyped. And it kind of annoys me. You asking us what song was playing in the background when we first met, is like us asking you who was the starting left guard for the bears when we met you at the bears game. And maybe it's just a Mexican thing, but get a Mexican man drunk, and he remembers EVERYTHING lol. 25.If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. Every guy has heard the stories about the girls at the bachelorette party feeling up, grinding on, and giving the male stripper a blowjob. What? It's not true? Only the slutty girls do that? The slutty girls are giving the nice girls a bad wrap and now I'm stereotyping all women? Hmm…it's the same with us. (by the way, I typed blowjob as two separate words and my computer automatically fixed it for me. Wtf. Lol.) 26.Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. We've figured that out. And again, it's the same with us. 27.Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk or high. I beg to differ. Haha. 28.Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. Who the fuck does this? 29.Don't let your friends pick on her The girl who typed this list must have dated some real dicks in her lifetime. Stop stereotyping us. 30.Don't lie. We're going to find out sooner or later. Let's face it, no you won't. But at the same time you will also tell us lies that we will never figure out, don't kid yourselves ladies, you lie too. 31.MORE foreplaying dammit, is this a list for men or jr. high kids? 32.If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize even if you didn't? yes master. Haha. 33.Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it. Yeah ok. (as I roll my eyes) 34.Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. I think I responded to this already. 35.Don't make bets about us, we always find out. Omg, again? What are you all detectives? If that's the case why not put all your skills to good use and figure out a solution to the situation between Israel and Hamas? And no ladies, Hamas is not the new kind of handbag that juicy couture just put out. 36.The female always makes The Rules Make up your mind, do you find it impressive when we take the lead or not? 37.No male can possibly know all The Rules. Neither do you. 38.If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules. Looks to me like the girl is the one trying to sabotage relationships here. 39.We are never wrong This doesn't even deserve a response. 40.The male is expected to mind read at all times. As are women. 41.You don't need to tell the whole world what we did in private, that's a turn off. Hahaha, and yet women take pride in the fact that they tell all their girlfriends EVERYTHING. 42.Freaky is not bad, just make us feel comfortable and let's keep it between us. Lol. Bring on the rusty trombones hahahahahahaha. 43.Shorts and socks with sandals is NOT sexy. Personally I've only seen old men pulling this one off. I'm sure anyone with a myspace is hip enough to know this. 44.Pictures and videotapes are part of PRIVACY!! Don't show or tell the world. How else will we make a quick buck then? Haha. 45.If you don't want us let us know No. the possibility of being miserable with you instead of trying to find "the best thing that ever happened to us" makes us happy. 46.Don't say you feel something for us, when you don't just because you want to fuck.we're not toilets!! And we're not ATM's. 47.Don't look at our friends. Don't look at ours. 48.Yes, we get jealous, but it's because we care and we don't want to lose you. Right back atcha homie. 49.Sometimes we want to know you get jealous too, we want to know you care. I should have read a head. But again, right back atcha. 50.You should know all this and more without me telling you. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. Yes master. Well, it seems to me that this "list" is totally stupid and pointless. It's full of double standards, generalizations, and stereotypes, and seems to have been written by a girl who has dated a bunch of d-bags and seems to paint herself as an all-knowing being, and men as a bunch of dim-witted morons. What bothers me is the amount of times I've seen lists like this posted and re-posted when in reality women, and men for that matter don't know what the hell they want. And often they are posted by people that are really young. I'm not claiming that at 25 I'm an expert at the complex idea of love, but I know that it's something you have to work for. And only a young disillusioned "bitch" for lack of a better word, would be typing about "changing rules". I think there's a quote that goes, "the smarter we become, the more we realize we don't know shit" at least I think that's how it goes. I'm sure I butchered it somewhere, but the point is that nobody should claim that they're experts on their own sex or the opposite sex because well, you don't know shit. And the girl that wrote this needs to grow the fuck up. Hopefully I didn't come off as some mean old man, because I'm not. Originally I had started it off as some humorous retort to all of these stupid statements and then went off on a rant as I usually do. I'd like to finish by pointing out the fact that if it wasn't for girls like this, The Bouncing Souls would have never written Hopeless Romantic. So I'll leave you with the lyrics if you've never heard the song before. Go buy the cd. Haha Bouncing Souls, Hopeless Romantic I don't know what other people see, or what they think is love, but I know know what it means to me, I fall in love so easily. And it's hard to let your guard down, something you never wanted to do, but I gave you my love and if you turned away, I guess I'd be screwed, but... I'm a hopeless romantic, you're just hopeless. Beer and wine does me fine, but it doesn't always do. When I get back up and dust off, I always come back to you. I'm my own man with my own plan, I can't do the things you want me to. I'm kinda' lazy and I kinda' stink, but I'll clean myself up for you. I'm a hopeless romantic, you're just hopeless, I'm a hopeless romantic, you're just hopless, you're just hopeless, you're just hopeless. Oh, and if guys copy this and repost it as I'm sure some will, do me the favor and leave out my rant/blog part at the end. I'm sure people will add to it and then something the was not my intention will be out there floating around on the internets. Haha. School starts next week, so you can look forward to more blogs those of you that actually read this thing. And I hope you all had a good past couple of weeks and all that stuff. Whatever. Peath out losers.