Thursday, January 29, 2009 like the pills in your hand, i'll never let you down

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities That’s right bitches. You asked, I delivered. Last week I asked for suggestions, and I got some requests for funny and embarrassing stories. What am I a clown? Nothing I do is embarrassing. Haha j/k. well, luckily I don’t have class on Thursdays and all I do is fart around and slack on the internets. Soo.. Recently my brother showed me a video on youtube about a funny throw in. I’m sure you’ve all seen it but in case you haven’t : (sorry, i tried copying the video from myspace, but it wouldn't work) so yeah. After seeing this I realized that I’ve had a crap load of kind of embarrassing stories on the soccer field. For those of you that don’t know, I’ve pretty much played since I was like 4 or something. A long time. So yeah. Anyways, like in the video, I’ve done the exact same thing. Except without the cool flip thing. In high school, we were playing crystal lake or somebody, idk one of the northwest suburb schools that are some kind of lake. Haha. aaanyway, it was a throw in and I went to take it, I saw a kid open downfield so ran a couple of steps and threw. Unfortunately some kid from the other team anticipated my throw and decided to run with me and then in front of me, looking at my target the entire time who was in front of me. so… he had his back towards me. I saw him running in out of the corner of my eye but by that time it was too late. Ball was out and headed right at him. It hit him in the back of the head and he got knocked off balance but didn’t fall over. The ball got knocked out of bounds again. And here’s the unfortunate, funny and embarrassing part. It went out of bounds right in front of the other team’s bench. Wtf. For a couple of seconds there I was like “oh man, I better get pumped up because we’re gonna throw down right here right now”. I thought they were going to be pissed because it kinda looked like I purposefully hit the kid, but I didn’t I swear lol. Luckily though the entire team started to crack up and laugh at the kid I hit. They were all like, “nice shot” etc… everybody in the stands started laughing as well. It was kind of embarrassing. I’m sure it was more embarrassing for the other kid. Oh well. Let’s see, another time in ayso (aahhhh the ayso days). Haha. aanyway, it was the middle of the summer (keep in mind that these were the 90’s so the bulls had just won one of their championships) so I had been playing basketball all day outside with friends. Back in the day people used to call me “Rodman” because I was pretty good at getting rebounds”. So after an entire day of playing basketball outside and “hittin the boards” haha, I had to go to my soccer game. So I went and we were playing blah blah blah, and then somebody kicked a ball up, or it bounced up really high I don’t remember, but I remember getting under it and since I had been rebounding all day, I boxed my opponent out, jumped up and grabbed the ball with my hands and came down shielding the ball. Oooohhhhhhhh man. (for those of you not familiar with soccer, YOU CAN’T USE YOUR HANDS) hahahaha. Man, everybody started laughing at me again. The ref just stared at me in disbelief. For an intentional hand ball like that, refs are supposed to give the player a card. The ref was so dumbfounded he didn’t even card me. or maybe he felt sorry for me. haha. Another one, although there are varying stories for this, this the way I remember it. And since this is MY blog I’m telling it MY way. Haha. when I was really little, I remember me and a teammate were so bored because we were playing defense and I guess we had a good offense because the ball never came into our half of the field. Aanyway, we were so bored that we laid down on the ground and supposedly we were hiding, and playing army with grass as camouflage and we were shooting kids with imaginary guns. Some people say that when people eventually got to our side of the field, we got pissed because we would shoot them and they wouldn’t go down and we started to cry. Some people say that it was in an actual game. I maintain however, that it was in practice and once people got onto our half of the field, we got up and played. I don’t remember covering ourselves up with grass as our camouflage. I just remember playing army at practice one day. People try to exaggerate it to try and embarrass me but no. that’s how it went down I swear. Haha. Another time, and this is probably my most memorable one, and embarrassing for me. I was a freshman in high school and we were at practice. I don’t remember if both our goalies were injured or if one of them wanted to play the field, whatever, but point is that I was playing goalie in practice. Again like the time when I was little, I was bored as hell because the ball just seemed to be on the other end of the field and never came over to my side so I hardly saw any action. I was talking to somebody who was hangin out with me by the goal, when all of a sudden I hear “EDDIE!!” . I looked up and it was a breakaway headed right at me. I remember I ran up and covered any angles an I ran the kid out to the side of the field so I could wait for my defenders to catch up and help defend. (like any good keeper should). Haha. anyway for some reason my defenders were slacking or they stopped thinking he was offsides or something I don’t remember, but I remember that instead of my defenders coming up, it was the other teams forwards. So then it was like a 3 on 1 and I had no help. I had to keep my eyes on the ball so I wasn’t paying attention to anything behind me. I remember backpedaling and trying to cut off any angles. But it was a 3 on 1 and that’s impossible to defend against. So they scored. But once I saw them take the shot and the ball go in that’s when I realized where I was on the field. I was out of bounds on the side of the goal. THE GOAL WAS WIDE OPEN AND I WAS STANDING ON THE SIDE!! Oh man, everybody started laughing at me. I remember the coach yelling, “EDDIE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!”. Yeah. I never played goalie again. Haha. Yeah. There are more but that’s all I can remember right now. Has anybody seen those commercials where somebody does something embarrassing and then the voice comes on “wish you could get away?” I’m sure it’s like a travel site or something idk. But I’ve got one for them. This one takes us back to my days when I ran track in high school. In track, there’s no “bench” or anything for the team to chill on when they’re not running their events. So instead we all chill in the stands with the parents and fans or whoever else is chilling there. I remember we were in a meet and a bunch of us were chilling in the stands. Somebody came up and sat with us, and was like “did you hear? So and so isn’t going to be able to run the (whatever event was next) so, so and so is going to be taking their place. I don’t remember the kids name but I remember that he wasn’t that good, so we were all like “oh no, not him, that kid sucks” and so on. Whatever. The event goes, he runs, and then the kid we were saying sucks, comes up into the stands and sits behind us. Then he asks the people behind us, “so mom, how did I do?” “want to get away?” hahahaha. Geeze, I felt like such an asshole. Oh well. Enough with the stories. It’s time for my rant of the day. It seems that these past couple of weeks I’ve been running into more and more misinformed youth. Haha. “Faith” is a George Michael song. Not a Limp Bizkit song. “love song” is a Cure song. Not a 311 song. “I can see clearly now” is a Johnny Nash song. Not a Bob Marley song. Don’t go claiming shit if you don’t know. Yeah. I’m rooting for the Steelers. Even though the cardinals used to be from Chicago, and usually I root for the underdog, this time it’s not enough. I still like the steelers. By the way who saw mayor daley say that Chicago needed 2 football teams. Just because Chicago can support 2 baseball teams, he thought we could support 2 football teams. Yeah right. Jim Rome set him straight on his show saying that this town will always be a bears town no matter what. I agree. Go Bears!!! Dammit, the super bowl hasn’t even passed and already I’m excited for next year. With the addition of Rod Marinelli, I think next years defense is going to be amazing. I’m pumped. And looking forward to the draft. Dammit, it’s still January. Wtf. Whatever. Keep sending suggestions or whatever. Peace out turds.